Kait and I were standing in line to get into a club at Salt Lake. I was shivering with cold when I heard someone say "Dude! Bro! What are you doing here?"
Another person answered "Bro! We're just chilling here!"
I laughed because...maybe they were being ironic, and turned around. Sure enough, these were genuine "bros". Polo shirts, gelled hair, plaid shorts, popped collars. And they were everywhere! I feel like I can't go anywhere without bumping into one. You can't go country dancing without it turning into a bro-down...a total brodeo. You can't go to the mall without a swarm of them flooding out of the Abercombie, Ralph Lauren, and Lacoste outlets.
At dances they're constantly shouting for the new "J.T. album" or some Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews Band, John Mayer, or Oasis. They're watching you with their fellow bros ("wingmen" in bro-speak), waiting to swoop in with their popped collars and grind up against you like your only dream that night was for a gelled up stranger to dry hump you.
I can't even go to the gym in peace anymore, it was one of the first places to fall to the bros. Yes, I'm sweaty, tired, and wearing my still cute but altogether less attractive work out clothes. The last thing I want is to get hit on by bros offering to "spot me"/look down my sports bra.
Kait and I love to drop bro words into conversations with bros just to see if they catch on that we're making fun of them. We were brainstorming some new ones on the way home from class once.
"Settle down, Broseph Stalin," I told her in my best bro accent.
"Here's lookin' at you, Humphrey Brogart," she answered.
This went on like that for some time but then she trumped it all by standing up proudly and shouting
"We...are the Riders of Brohan!"
What about you? Are we the only ones to notice that all the men have been vanished and replaced by bros, trapped in a state of eternal fratboy-hood? What brorror stories do you have?