We've been there too, Beyonce...

We've been there too, Beyonce...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Don Quixote of La Provo


McKenna and I's apologies for the delay in getting up today's post. Finals have been killing us, and I just now got some time to get in my latest awkward singles ward moment.

If you'll notice the title of my post, you might've already made the connection to a famous work of Spanish literature. Allow me to explain the reason for the literary reference:

There's a boy in my ward, who is of Spanish-speaking origins and who has been trying to get a date out of me for months, even though I've already told him I'm not interested. Now, the fact that he speaks Spanish was not the only thing that made me decide to refer to him as Don Quixote.

Those of you who are familiar with the story know that it's about a man who gets so wrapped up in the fantasy of chivalry that he becomes obsessed and goes chasing after something that is really just a dream. The very definition of the word "quixotic," which finds it's root in this book, means impractically pursuing lofty romantic ideals.

That word defines him perfectly; he's living in a fantasy land. And I'm not just talking about trying to chase after me when I've turned him down. But he's got some heavy paranoiac tendencies. He also tells everyone he's a karate champ, but he's done demos at the ward talent show and it's pretty clear he's not. I could go on and on, but for the sake of leaving him some of his dignity I won't. You now have context for what comes next:

Ward prayer night happens once a week, every week. I showed up for this past week, chatted with some acquaintances for a while as McKenna fended off the boys who were looking for NCMO's (see our glossary page if you don't know what that means), and after a few minutes took my place kneeling on the floor ready to pray.

Just then, I see him coming towards me, but McKenna is still too busy breakin' man-hearts to see my signals for back-up. He kneels next to me and all possible chances of quickly changing places are finagled by the closing in groups of people who are also getting ready to pray. I smile, say hi, and try to just be kind but non-invitational.

The prayer starts and everyone has the eyes closed, heads bowed. Suddenly, I hear the sound of shuffling knees next to me and I can feel him getting closer. I peeked a bit and could see that he was trying to scooch in close enough to make bodily contact during the prayer. I'm not sure if he's ever touched a girl before, but this might've been one of his only chances to catch a stolen arm brush against female flesh.

Needless to say, I myself start to scooch away. We bumped into other people, there were a lot of whispered "sorry's". I'm sure a good number of them started opening their eyes to see what was going on. It was the longest three minutes of my life.

As soon as I heard "amen," I hopped to my feet and headed for the door. I kept looking behind me as I walked back to our apartment to make sure he wasn't still in hot pursuit.



                                                              The Unwilling Windmill- 1
                                                                    Don Quixote- 0

21 comments:

  1. I seriously hate ward prayer. Weird stuff always goes down...

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  2. I'm glad I never had to experience a ward prayer (that didn't come out how I meant it)! But yeah, that sounds really awkward. I had a pretty funny visual though of you guys moving all over the place during the prayer!

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  3. Sigh. One time I yelled at people in the middle of giving my spiritual thought. It was awkward.

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  4. haha thats a crack up!

    not gonna lie, we have plenty of creepers in our ward that only choose to attack at ward prayer...

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  5. hahahah that sounds like such a creep creeper!!! totally not a fan and glad you scootched away!!

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  6. Claire- I would love ward prayer if prayer was actually what was on everyone's mind. For some it is, for some it isn't.

    Elizabeth- Everything is always ten times funnier in retrospect.

    Boob Nazi- I tend to say really awkward things when I have to give talks or lessons. For most people they feel like the spirit is talking through them in those situations. I just feel like a schizo who lost their meds has hijacked my mouth. Maybe I'll share one of those stories sometime.

    C'est la Vie- Oh, do share!

    Alanna- Thanks for having a sister's back. ;-)

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  7. He;ll get ya sooner or later, better watch out!

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  8. Ok, I've only been here for 38.4 seconds and I officially love this blog.

    Don Quixote sounds like the quintessential singles' ward goober. Maybe you should consider hiding a mini taser in your scripture case or something. (I think it's high time someone pitched that idea to Deseret Book, yes?)

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  9. Haha! I was about to say the same thing about your blog :D I think you're sitting on a gold mine with the scripture taser..

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  10. Jules,McKenna and I could help you come up with a name for it to propose it as an idea to Deseret Book. We're really good at that.

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  17. To all those who tried to turn this post into a race issue, go be a victim and whine on your own blog. Seriously, if you left the Church over imperfect people, that's your own problem, and maybe you should learn a great life lesson, which is this: your life and your reactions are what you make them. The great thing about the Heavenly Father's plan is you are responsible for your own choices, and you can't blame your poor reactions or over sensitivity on other people. Sure, people can be rude and insensitive, but you are not forced to let it ruin your life or your faith. Grow up! In my own defense, none of you know me, and you all clearly misinterpreted my intent. I don't have a problem with Hispanic people. If you knew this guy, you'd know he was weird. I get plenty of weird white guys if not more. The only reason I mentioned the Don Quixote name is because his tactics with the ladies as well as his language I thought made an ironic reference to the book. To retort to the assumption that I wouldn't have minded had it been a white guy, that thought is totally erroneous. Any guy, regardless of race, who weirded me out and to whom I had already given signals that I didn't like, would not have been welcome to scooch up to me during ward prayer. I'd also like to remind you all, Don Quixote was actually a white guy from Spain.

    To be frank, if you don't like it don't read it and move on.

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  18. Even if the Hispanic guy was a jerk, which I am quite willing to agree with, the anonymous poster had a point. If you substitute the words, you get a text like -

    "UnEinstein of El Provo

    There's an Israeli boy in my ward, who is of Jewish origins and who has been trying to get a date out of me for months, even though I've already told him I'm not interested. Now, the fact that he speaks Hebrew was not the only thing that made me decide to refer to him as UnEinstein."

    Now would you have ever written something like the above and still called yourself an unprejudiced person?

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  20. Einstein was German, and also spoke German, so referencing an Israeli as "UnEinstein" makes no sense. Again, he was referred to as Don Quixote for literary comparison and linguistic reasons. Refer to my previous comment.

    The comments were all deleted, because I don't like a bunch of whiny babies trying to pirate my blog into a forum for their victimization issues. They can start their own blogs for that. Anymore comments left to try and twist my words into something they weren't and paint me to be something I'm not will be summarily deleted. This is my forum; I'm not obligated to tolerate your obtuse comments. So, seriously, quit trying. Like I wrote before: If you don't like it, don't read it.

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